What is the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum

Many of us have been in the situation where you are standing at the cash register with your child who really wants a candy, after telling your child they cannot have the candy, they then start screaming and crying, shortly after leaving the store your child stops screaming and crying and is easily distracted by something else, this is not a meltdown, this is a tantrum. Compared to being at the same store and your child starts covering their ears and starts crying because it is to loud in the store, no matter what you do you cannot distract your child, even after leaving the store your child is still on edge and crying, this is melt down.


What is a meltdown?

• A meltdown is a reaction to having a sensory overload or being overwhelmed by a situation. 
• The meltdown will continue even if there is no audience.
• The person will often need assistant to calm down.
• The person is not in control of themselves.

What is a tantrum?

• A tantrum is a reaction to wanting something.
• The child will stop the tantrum if there is no audience.
• The child will stop once they get what they want or realize they are not going to get what they want.
• The child is in control of the behavior.

A meltdown and a tantrum are not the same thing, but are often confused as being the same thing. I have had many situations where I was telling another person about a meltdown and they confuse it with being a tantrum and suggest dealing with the meltdown the same way you would a tantrum. However a meltdown and tantrum need to be treated differently or you could make a bad situation worse.

How to deal with a meltdown:

• It is important for the parent to stay calm in these situations, if you get upset your child will pick up on that.
• If possible remove the person having a meltdown from the situation, I have had to stand at the entrance to a grocery store for 10 minutes before until Baby Boy was ready to go in. 
• Use deep pressure, if deep pressure will not upset your child then use a weighted item. 
• Ask the person what they need, most of the time they may not be able to tell you
• Give the person time, space and a quiet area. Sometimes Artist just needs to go to her room and have no one talk to her until she is calmed down and other times she needs me with her giving her a hug but not talking to her. 

How to deal with a tantrum:

• Acknowledge your child is upset but let them know you are not giving in. "I know you want a candy but we are eating supper in 30 minutes so you are not getting a candy." 
• Let your child know there is consequences for their actions but remember not to say something you cannot follow through with. "I am not happy that you were crying at the store because you wanted a candy, next time I come to the store you will not be joining me."
• Remove the child from the situation, I have been known to leave a store if my child is having a tantrum or if I am shopping with my husband one of us will take the child out to the car. 
• Another option is to try just ignoring the tantrum, this one can by hard but will often stop the child fairly quickly. 
• Just like a meltdown it is important for the parent to remain calm, a negative reaction is still a reaction. Sometimes the child is just looking for a reaction.

After both meltdowns and tantrums it's a good idea to take a few minutes to review what happened and come up with some strategies to help with next time you are in that situation. Sometimes there are things that I need to work on when dealing with my children's meltdowns and tantrums. Once again remember you are doing the best you can and this is learning curve and remember the old saying that you learn something new every day this includes being a parent.